Kiev Incall Outcall

Mongering in Kiev Part 6

A Mongers travelogue to Kiev continued

From the Mission Control Smokers corner the first site I went into was relax kiev and the connection was still slow taking ages for the pages to load. Here there were pages of girls with pictures with telephone contact details starting from 300 (not 3000!!) UAH per hour. After going back to the room to get a pen and some paper to jot down some of the number it was then time to put those free calls from the telephone in the room to the test and every number I called I got the same message – ‘We are unable to connect you to this number.’ They then must have been all premium numbers then, blocked by the hotel.

Fuck your internet

Okay, when has anything in my life ever been simple. Back to the stairwell smokers corner again and using Google search engine I managed to pick out a further several telephone numbers from a mixture of visiting massage and 24-hour escort services with the connection still painfully slow and cutting out altogether ‘YOU HAVE NO INTERNET CONNECTION’ fuck your stupid hotel internet.
Now into my second or third cup of coffee, of all those calls I was able to make from the telephone in the room, some I got the ring tone, but with no one at the so called 24-hour service picking up the receiver from the other end. Some I did get through to but as soon as I spoke in English the person on the other end, usually a female, just put the phone down and did the same thing again when I rang back.

One number I constantly called back on redial had a constant phone off the hook engaged tone and just as I thought I had made progress at last with an adult visiting massage service, with an afternoon time arranged, when I started to shout down the phone to the man at the other end whose English was terrible the name of the hotel, after finding it very difficult to understand what he was saying I just about got it that I would have to go to their address, which I couldn’t understand a word of. So much for the visiting service. How frustrating.

No, I was not going to give up, I just took a rest, a little break from it before continuing. I consulted the KYIV What’s On booklet guide and city Map advertisements again, again trying all the numbers as advertised for VIP erotic massage, Temptation super massage etc, etc, we come to you, girls available at your place, hotel visit etc,etc with exactly the same fuck all nothing had come of it result. The only English speaking person I did finally speak to who understood me and I understood her, told me told me to ring back after 10:30pm.

It was then time for more drastic measures, like, despite not having a plan, going out again. At that point I put on my coat and sat down again in the room while trying to think what to do next. Suddenly the room felt very lonely and Kiev and everything about Kiev seemed crap. Then for no particular reason, I just randomly picked one of the numbers I had jotted down earlier and rang it again and am happy to say with a great feeling of relief at the time that I had success at last.

Kiev Incall

The girl on the other end of the phone who said ‘Hello’ so nicely to me in English only did Incall (Incall was better than no call) at her address, which was close to the hotel. I would have even gone if it hadn’t been close to the hotel. 60 minutes which would include ‘Everything’, she told me, would cost 2,500 UAH and when I told her I would be there in around 15 minutes or sooner she said she will be waiting for me.
Sometime later it occurred to me that the first tour guide that I spoke to on my first evening had asked me for exactly the same amount, 2500 UAH, which actually works out to about $100 US. I suppose for some girls new and not so new to the game 100 US has a nice ring around it, a figure which in my experience is one which most, as yet unspoiled and not yet corrupted freelancers try to get away with when first testing the water with you.

The Krutyi descent road address which I had circled and marked in biro on the thin and flimsy torn in parts What’s on Guide Map of Kiev started from just behind the market and actually continued up a hill. Not seeing on the map a small service road driveway which lead to the front of the correct apartment block, I instead wasted what turned into 1 hour walking up and down the wrong road next to it, going into court yards and walking up crumbling concrete steps past old fashioned tenement blocks where most of the buildings were not even numbered.
In my haste as well (and how many times have wise men, men wiser than me, our predecessors, perhaps, said so many times the same thing about the times their dicks have got them into trouble) well in my haste I forgot to ask the person her details. Basically I knew nothing about her, for all I knew she could have been anybody. Okay, lesson learnt I told my stupid hot and sweaty self, back to the hotel, and let’s start all over again.

ukraine kiev incall
kate perry kiev

A little way down the hill I stopped and paused to look at what I thought was an Italian restaurant and got it about the second time that someone was saying my name, trying to get my attention. Standing right beside me resembling Katy Perry a bit was the girl herself, the one I spoke to on the phone, who I then said sorry to for being so late. Guessing correctly that I had probably got lost, showing great patience she had gone out to look for me and it was just pure luck that at that particular moment I was standing in the right place at the right time.
The old tenement block where she took me to had one of those old fashioned steel cage lifts which shook and creaked made a lot of noise. We then got out of the lift on her floor which was dark and gloomy and felt quite spooky, I was glad in a way I wasn’t on my own.

Once inside the flat we walked past the kitchen which had a smell of soup or something cooking where an elderly lady said hello to us, then through the living room where another working girl, perhaps, was sat down playing with her phone watching television, before I was shown into the bedroom. On the floor was a large mattress covered in a bed sheet and blatantly on the floor next to it was a packet of condoms and a box of tissues.
First giving her the money in advance I took my clothes off while ‘Katy’ partly undressed just down to her underwear but she looked lovely wearing just a black bra and black underwear. Here there were no holds barred, standing naked I had a big, big stalk on and just for a bit of foreplay she happily undid her bra allowing me to caress her nice round firm breasts allowing me to further my pleasure by jerking my cock a bit and rubbing my cock over her tits.

kiev incall ass
ukraine ass

After removing her underwear, she trusted me to do the same sort of foreplay over her ass cheeks, her bending over and me rubbing my cock over her crack. An hour is an hour and I was getting my hours’ worth, purposely not coming and shooting my load too soon at the best bit, but instead trying to enjoy every single minute of it, and make it last. Then putting on a condom, saving the last bit till last, I fucked her smooth shaven pussy and fucked her fucking brains out emptying my pent-up frustrated balls, shooting my load into the condom.
Paying her almost the equivalent of $100 US was in fact a lot of money to pay in Kiev, and some people may say I paid too much and some may even say by doing this I am fucking it up for everyone else, well if that is the case I will say to that person please at least do a report first as there is so little info out there on Kiev. For the whole time I was there, while I was out and about I did not see one other tourist or even hear English being spoken to anyone other than myself for that matter.

Back in the Arena

Back in the Arena, another new tout showed his ugly face trying to stop me in my path. “Ni dyakuyu” No Thank You I said, trying out another new word I had learnt.


Using up all that energy ‘Mongering,’ gave me quite a big appetite, but before eating I took a shower first in the room and changed my shirt. Despite those annoying touts the Arena ground floor really does have some nice places to eat and this time I tried a very upmarket Italian part self-service cafeteria called Vapiano. Dining mainly amongst groups of after work office girls, and after such a good shag, feeling on cloud 9 with a good feeling of good self-esteem, I was pleased to be able to choose and try 2 different types of wine with my main course and desert from a selection of 30 red and white wines by the glass.

Arena Kiev

Moving on to the upper floor for ‘Dolci’ and coffee, sitting with a group at a table opposite, immaculately dressed in a sexy red corporate style outfit, with her legs wide apart but in an innocent way, was a blonde double of Gwen Stefani the singer, which in spite of not even an hour had passed since the last pleasure, I was again starting to feel horny.

kiev teen big tits
blonde kiev

Seemingly the youngest in the group, I sat observing her docile face and the subservient way in which she interacted with her older probably more senior work colleagues also dressed to kill and impress. Were there some ‘Corporate’ lesbians amongst that group I wondered, taking another sip of wine. Whichever girl she licked, or whichever bloke she kneeled down in front of were surely in my eyes the most luckiest people in the world.

Last evening in Kiev

Still not having decided what to do on my last evening in Kiev, I took a late afternoon stroll down Khreshchatyk Street as far as Independence Square once more, half hoping to see those girls again on the bench. Who I did see again, on the way back with our paths crossing near the supermarket was that young private tour guide I spoke to on my first evening. Although I was recognised and got a smile and a little wave from her, she did not stop.

With my return flight the next day not leaving until 20:00, in theory there was nothing to stop me really letting my hair down and having a good last night in Kiev.  But no longer being 21 or 31 years old for that matter, all would depend on how much energy I had or how tired I felt later. It was good though to have that option, possibility of staying out later if I wanted to and not having to worry about having to get up early to catch an early morning flight.
Relaxing back in the room with another beer from the mini bar and feeling quite content with how the day went, I dozed off for a while, no problem, waking up again at about 9 in the evening. Feeing a big urge to jerk off it was time to pick up the telephone again and picking another random ‘Massage’ number I got through no problem this time and spoke to a man on the other end who despite his broken English understood me when I told him that I wanted a lady to come to my hotel room at 10pm. The price for 1 hour, naked body to body including her taxi (both ways) would be 1000 UAH which I was told to pay on arrival.
At my request (but I kept it short) for a nice blonde lady if possible, he told me that he did not think they had any available then but he did assure me that the girl who was coming was very good and she was from the Ukraine.

A Knock on the door

10:15 pm came and went and by 10:30 pm I was just picking up the phone to find out what was happening when I heard that lovely almost shy tapping sound of three quiet knock, knock, knocks on the door. Speaking no English and on a scale of 1 to 10, the massage girl, late 20s, medium build, medium height with long black wavy hair and large full tits was an okay 5 or 6 but for the fact she had breast implants.

kiev outcall
kiev outcall

Bare breasted she kept her underwear on and rubbing my cock first, with oil, I came straight away, yet there was another 50 or so minutes left. I have never had that kind of massage before, so turning over and laying face down on the bed, I fell asleep, at one point waking up and vaguely remembering her telling me she had finished and hearing the door close behind her.

This is the end, Beautiful friend This is the end, My only friend, the end

On the morning before flying back, shortly after I woke up I watched again for about the 28th time the first 40 minutes or so of Apocalypse Now on the TV in the room thinking ‘The End’ theme tune by The Doors at the beginning was by name rather fitting.
After checking out and leaving my bags with the concierge I had a long breakfast brunch in another nice café place I didn’t know existed, across the road opposite to the main entrance of the hotel. Ordering a pancake again and lots of nice I coffee I read and went over my notes, hoping you guys on Monger Planet will find some of the information here helpful. The fact that my leggy young waitress was too wearing a sexy short leather skirt probably made me hang around there a bit longer.

kiev teen miniskirt
kiev mini skirt

Then I went for a walk checking out the streets close by to the Fat Lion Pub, where me being the only customer there, in the afternoon, ordered a nice draught local larger from the same friendly barmaid wearing a bow tie.
The taxi (old crappy car which was more like a teenager’s first run-around) arranged by the hotel to take me to the airport at a cost of 400 UAH arrived late and was driven by young Ukrainian male who spoke no English and spent most of the time driving with one hand on the steering wheel, and with his other hand, holding his mobile phone to his ear and of course it then occurred to me that the hotel receptionist who ordered the thing was probably his bitch. Anyway costing only £11.00 it could have been worse.
After checking in, to go through the security bit and passport control took a little longer as Kiev airport seemed to be busy in the evening. Again I had a couple of hours to kill before my flight so I read a bit, watched a bit of TV on my tablet and not really into another sandwich on the plane and knowing I was going to arrive home late, killed the last 50 minutes or so having dinner in an eatery close to the gate. The food and fish I had, I thought was excellent with very good fast service, and, for an airport restaurant was not at all expensive.
Boarded the flight back to London and regrettably in a way back to reality.  The END.

By Monger Matt

7 thoughts on “Kiev Incall Outcall”

    1. Yes there were some simularities. Just a quick way really, of describing the women. Having said that though, there was an even better looking Katy P on my train this morning on the way to work. Maybe I’ve got Katy Perry on the brain or something.

  1. I can totally identify with the frustrating experience of trying to ring up foreign escorts. The slow or non existent internet connection, the language problem, trying to find an address. And then bait and switch, its a minefield. Ringing up local escorts is my least favorite option – recently had a terrible time in Tallinn Estonia. But seems you got through in the end with the Kate Perry lookalike 🙂 but again you were lucky – right time right place

    So was Kiev one big red light district? No clubs? strip bars etc?

    Iv recently had good success online especially with Tinder, Is Tinder used in Kiev Ukraine? did you give it a try?

    From research, Mamba is a popular online dating site in eastern europe and ukraine

    Really enjoyed your trip report on Kiev and hope you will submit some more in the future. Cant say though I am rushing to experience Kiev

    1. Sure, central Kiev has plenty of strip club type places but as I made it clear in my reports these type of establishments are not for me as I prefer more the freelance bar/street type of scene and finally I have got it, this only works in warmer hotter countries. Still though, if I could still get the same good flight and hotel deal I’m quite tempted to return sometime in the summer.
      I don’t do social media so I don’t know about Tinder over there. At a guess though, they would have it. I can confirm Whats App is used a lot. I think the most important thing to have is an unblocked mobile with a local sim card fully loaded up and ready.

      1. Yeah I only have unblocked mobiles and usually my first duty arriving in a foreign city is to get a local sim and with internet. This often works when hotel WIFI does not and you can tether your mobile and use it as a WIFI hotspot. Im with Vodafone and they have a European traveller option where you can use your calls, text, internet as if you were at home for £5 a day. This works well in some cities like Las Palmas but crap in others like Zurich. But is deceptive if you continue to use it as your come back with a £100 extra to pay. I was using this option world traveller in Colombia too. Best to get a local sim, but can be a drag, if language a problem and have to take your passport etc. Usually you need them to set it up too as I can rarely work it out.

        I wonder why we still find eastern European cities still so attractive for mongering? when really the better countries are probably in western europe like Germany, Spain, Greece etc.

        1. Europe wise, for a week or so, Agadir I think will be next on the list renting an Apartment rather than a hotel. Seems November time has some good deals.

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