Patong Monger Comedy

My fourth day trying to monger in Patong Phuket and now carrying a heavy load.  Its hard to believe that after 3 days and nights hunting in the beer bars and Gogos down Bangla road I have not yet found a cute Thai bar girl worth bar fining.  Surely my luck in Patong had to change…

Monger Plan

The plan for mongering today in Patong was to check out Christin Massage again around 6pm in the evening.  If that not produce anything then check out the massage shops all along Ratuthit road nearby to Christin massage. Other than that the only other options for some Thai pussy in Patong are concentrated down Bangla road.

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail

Paying for it

There are some options for a naughty massage down Beach road in Patong in the morning.  Some of the Thai girls are OK, there are many ladyboys too.  With a heavy load was tempted but none of the massage girls standing on the street were willing to give a blowjob without condom.  I may be desperate but holding out.  Good for the wallet.

I thought Phuket may be expensive but also thought some quality girls would become available.  Patong is expensive and so far I have found a big zero for quality or Thai girls to my liking.  Im paying for it, P4P, they need to be worth it or I will just have a wank in my hotel room.  Even better just stay at home and meet girls off Craigslist.

Daily Routine – Not Paradise

Same routine each day now in Patong, A morning walk along the beach, get hot and sweaty burning off last nights excesses then jump into the lovely warm sea for a swim.  Afterwards some budget breakfast in McDonalds or Subway.  Hire a mat and relax on Patong beach until sundown.

patong phuket
Patong sunset

Another bug bear for me in Patong is there is no beach loungers or umbrellas to hire.  Times like this wish I had booked a hotel with a nice pool by the beach side.

patong beach

Then some nice Thai food, cold beer in a beach side restaurant then back to the Keeta hotel to shower and change and head out down Bangla road.  Not exactly paradise.

Christin Massage Fishbowl

So on my fourth night mongering in Patong head straight around to Christin Massage on Ratuthit road. Its somewhere between 6 and 7pm and there are now around 30 muttons sitting in the Fishbowl.

patong body massage
Christin Massage

As I walk into Christin Massage I did notice one cute little lamb sat in the middle of all the mutton.  But I started at the far end of the fishbowl working my way to the other end just to make sure I got a good look at all the girls sat in the fishbowl.

Disappearing Act

When I got to the middle of the Fishbowl the cute little lamb had scampered off, never to return.  I can only assume she knew I was about to choose her and not like farang.

Or she was very quickly chosen by a punter maybe sat down in the dark on a sofa. Alternatively the Papasan told her to temporary leave saving her for a big spending Asian.  Dont know, no use crying over spilt milk but I was not paying 3000 baht for some tough old mutton.

Massage Interview

Outside Christin Massage along Ratuthit road and I am checking out the Thai girls sitting outside all the little massage parlours holding up their price lists as you walk pass.  I choose one young nice looking Thai girl aged 21 and take her upstairs for a oil and body massage.  The massage was just OK, a bit quick, she then asks me if I want extras?

We agree on boom boom  for 2000b all inclusive with the massage costing 400b.  I try to hold her a little but she pushes me away, alarm bells are ringing, repeat experience of a young massage girl I met down soi 23 in Bangkok?

She then asks for the money up front.  Something I never do.  She had now failed the interview.  Finish the massage without boom boom then have some dinner in the Tiger hotel along Ratuthit, nice food and ambience in the Tiger hotel.  On the pussy front Patong in Phuket is just becoming a mongers joke.

Tai Pan Coyotes

I return to try more Gogos and Beer bars down Bangla road.  I wont be returning to Christin Massage or Ratuthit road during the remainder of my stay in Patong.

Patong phuket
Tai Pai

I head into Tai Pan club opposite Bangla road entrance on the Ratuthit road side.  Its very dark inside Tai Pan, very loud, probably a bit early.  Its full of Coyote dancers.  Alls the coyote dancers do is come up to you and ask you to buy them an expensive ladydrink.  I not mind buying a ladydrink for a pretty Thai bar girl if there is a prospect I might barfine her given she then passes my interview test.  Generally Coyote dancers do not barfine, but like money all the same.

Patong Comedy Show

Im not even feeling disappointed anymore with Patong and Phuket, its just becoming funny, a comedy show, a big tourist con.  Is this how Pattaya will end up in a few more years time as naive gullable tourists replace sex tourists?  I will be happy to just get one cute Thai bar girl in the bag.  Not to leave Phuket never to return empty handed?

Agogo Unknown

I walk pass an unknown Gogo just next door to Rock Hard Agogo, dont know why but decided to take a look inside.  No Carlsberg special promotion on offer, a Heineken was 200 baht and Chang was a 100 baht. I am not a fan of Thai beers, So have to take the Heineken.  

Suddenly I am noticing a couple of cute Gogos girls inside.  At last!  I get chatting to one full figured young girl who is half Thai half South African.  Then another petite cute pretty girl who is also mixed race, half Indian.  

Fools Barfine

Then they hit me with the barfine – 3000 Baht! Then the girls want a 3000 baht short time fee! It really is funny, pure comedy at those prices.  And for that you would probably get a starfish performance.   Knew what I was seeing was too good to be true.  Oh well I will enjoy my beer and watching the girls skimpily dressed trying to dance.  Who would travel to the other side of the world and pay these prices for P4P?


I got a young Australian guy sat next to me, its his first time in Phuket, dressed in a vest and pumped up, a peacock.  He is asking me if any of the girls are ladyboys?  He is really not sure, scared of being fooled. They are not ladyboys. I tell him the tell tale signs of a ladyboy and go and take a look down soi crocodile to see the difference.  A couple of the girls are sat on his lap and he is buying them ladydrinks.  When they return to dance he turns round to me, a gasp and says “did you see that?”  “all those girls were all over me!”  Pure comedy.

patong beer bars
Bangla Beer Bar

I straddle a few more beer bars down Bangla road making my way back down to the Beach Road end.  Im just looking forward to a good nights sleep now and call it a night. Another night and no Thai pussy in Patong. Feeling I need to return to Bangkok for a few days before heading to Siem Reap in Cambodia.  May cut this trip to Patong in Phuket early by a day or two. Pure comedy.

One thought on “Patong Monger Comedy”

  1. im withnessing the end of the thai p4p days turn into pure comedy; still id feel like a kid in a candy store there – come to madrid and you’ll find so many chinese whores and a good p4p scene with women from all over the world! just ask people with experience in spain and you’ll know what i am talking about

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